jokes-post some jokes
- Justkidding
-
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2007 0:00
by Justkidding » Wed May 21, 2008 9:54
Hey guys, I use this forum to translate jokes from english to dutch, for a school assingment 
so please keep posting jokes
so please keep posting jokes 
by blazing » Wed May 21, 2008 14:22
ok a very long 1:)
there is a little forest
in the forest is a fly.
near the forest is a small river
in there river is a tuna
he thinks from:
if the fly flies over here i eat it.
but just outside the river is a bear.
the bear wants to eat the tuna
he thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river the tuna grabs it,
so it's distracted and then i catch the tuna.
but behind the bear is a hunter.
the hunter want's the bear's fur.
the hunter thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river,
then the tuna would catch the fly
the bear would catch the tuna
then i can easily shoot the bear.
and behind the hunter is a tiny mouse.
the mouse sees little crumbles on the hunter's jacket.
the mouse thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river,
then the tuna would catch the fly
the bear would catch the tuna
the hunter will shoot the bear
and because of the shot the crumbles will fall.
behind the little mouse is a pussy.
the pussy wants to eat the mouse.
the pussy thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river
then the tuna would grab him
then the bear will catch the tuna
so the hunter will shoot the bear.
the crumbles fall of.
and i jump on the mouse before he can have the crumbles.
so 5min later it happen:
the fly flies over the river.
the tuna catch the fly.
but immideatly the bear grabs the tuna.
before the bear could eat it the hunter shoots.
the crumbles fall to the right because of the shotback.
the mouse jumps to the crumbles
the pussy didn't counted on it and jumped forward.
the pussy falls into the water.
but whats the morality of this story?
the longer the foreplay the wetter the pussy
there is a little forest
in the forest is a fly.
near the forest is a small river
in there river is a tuna
he thinks from:
if the fly flies over here i eat it.
but just outside the river is a bear.
the bear wants to eat the tuna
he thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river the tuna grabs it,
so it's distracted and then i catch the tuna.
but behind the bear is a hunter.
the hunter want's the bear's fur.
the hunter thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river,
then the tuna would catch the fly
the bear would catch the tuna
then i can easily shoot the bear.
and behind the hunter is a tiny mouse.
the mouse sees little crumbles on the hunter's jacket.
the mouse thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river,
then the tuna would catch the fly
the bear would catch the tuna
the hunter will shoot the bear
and because of the shot the crumbles will fall.
behind the little mouse is a pussy.
the pussy wants to eat the mouse.
the pussy thinks from:
if the fly flies over the river
then the tuna would grab him
then the bear will catch the tuna
so the hunter will shoot the bear.
the crumbles fall of.
and i jump on the mouse before he can have the crumbles.
so 5min later it happen:
the fly flies over the river.
the tuna catch the fly.
but immideatly the bear grabs the tuna.
before the bear could eat it the hunter shoots.
the crumbles fall to the right because of the shotback.
the mouse jumps to the crumbles
the pussy didn't counted on it and jumped forward.
the pussy falls into the water.
but whats the morality of this story?
the longer the foreplay the wetter the pussy
thanks diamond:)
lol
by Zubaka » Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:59
SouljaBoy wrote:This cat
Is cat
A cat
Good cat
Way cat
To cat
Keep cat
An cat
Idiot Cat
Busy cat
For cat
20 cat
Seconds cat
Now read those words without cat!!!
Lol , I got owned :<
I love to sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
by Ammz » Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:42
vanquish wrote:<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard
------------------------------------------------------------------
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
I laughed like hell xDDD i hope u will 2
HAHAHA I read those like ½ a year ago... they're brilliant...
pussy... pussy....
I don't get it?! :s
AND YOU NEVER WILL!!!
You say: "Great Shot!"
I say: "aimbot"
-|PS|-Ammz
I say: "aimbot"
-|PS|-Ammz
by Ammz » Thu Jun 05, 2008 19:13
HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing.". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.&n bsp; He seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later, he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HIS DIARY
Iowa lost today, but at least I got laid.
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing.". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.&n bsp; He seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later, he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HIS DIARY
Iowa lost today, but at least I got laid.
You say: "Great Shot!"
I say: "aimbot"
-|PS|-Ammz
I say: "aimbot"
-|PS|-Ammz
by Ammz » Thu Jun 05, 2008 21:27
Thanks
Now this one... man woman are freaking evil :-/
----------------------
COOKIES
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral.
--------------------------
I would like to be Six again
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
------------------------------
Women typical!
Adam & Eva
Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you.
And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and p!!!ion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest we all know
--------------------------------
I rock 8D
Now this one... man woman are freaking evil :-/
----------------------
COOKIES
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral.
--------------------------
I would like to be Six again
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
------------------------------
Women typical!
Adam & Eva
Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you.
And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and p!!!ion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest we all know
--------------------------------
I rock 8D
You say: "Great Shot!"
I say: "aimbot"
-|PS|-Ammz
I say: "aimbot"
-|PS|-Ammz
by IceCreamy » Sun Oct 12, 2008 16:00
What does a skeleton do behind a shower curtain?
A dumb blonde has won with hide-and-seek!
------------------------------------------------------------
2 16-year old girls:
Blonde: U know, i believe in no sex before marriage.
Brunette: Really? When did u get married then?
A dumb blonde has won with hide-and-seek!
------------------------------------------------------------
2 16-year old girls:
Blonde: U know, i believe in no sex before marriage.
Brunette: Really? When did u get married then?
My Skype account: IceCreamChris
Feel free to add me
Feel free to add me
- InsulinJunk
-
- Posts: 62
- Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:00
by InsulinJunk » Sat Dec 27, 2008 22:00
Do u know how viagra looks from the inside?
No i dont...
Aww man u still use 1 whole pill?
No i dont...
Aww man u still use 1 whole pill?
- jamisflawless
-
- Posts: 51
- Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2008 0:00
by jamisflawless » Thu Jan 01, 2009 4:39
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
"haha" only one to come up onto my mind ^^
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
"haha"
only one to come up onto my mind ^^
by stephan » Fri Jan 16, 2009 12:27
Some funny little conversation we had today on ps3 over irc:
(11:24:38) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ irc(#ps3.et@Quakenet):stephan48: i am really uninterested in playing et now ]
(11:24:55) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ BaMboSzekAtHome: hahaha ]
(11:24:59) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ fr33k!ll: lol ]
(11:25:02) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ irc(#ps3.et@Quakenet):stephan48: i nearly sleep in over my keybord ]
(11:25:05) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ BaMboSzekAtHome: wrong needle;p ]
(11:24:38) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ irc(#ps3.et@Quakenet):stephan48: i am really uninterested in playing et now ]
(11:24:55) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ BaMboSzekAtHome: hahaha ]
(11:24:59) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ fr33k!ll: lol ]
(11:25:02) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ irc(#ps3.et@Quakenet):stephan48: i nearly sleep in over my keybord ]
(11:25:05) (@PS3|LiveBot-M) Main-Chat event [ BaMboSzekAtHome: wrong needle;p ]
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