jokes-post some jokes
by Repta » Thu Jan 25, 2007 0:56
lol that 1 was great
http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/372 ... glars.html
a funny jackass video
look at the guy running and the other 2
- DonPadreArni
- Posts: 433
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- Location: Poland,Tychy
- GoldenBullet
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- Posts: 2923
- Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 0:00
- Location: Finland
by GoldenBullet » Thu Apr 19, 2007 19:35
And now something a bit serious. Time for prayer ( not mine thou. just a copy)
Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about
what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
This was infact a IRC quote or smthing. Here another. I laughed hard
(Spooky42) omg i just stabbed myself in the face with a corncob holder thing
(Funky_) hahahahahahah
(Funky_) is it bad?
(Spooky42) its bleeding a little..
(Funky_)
(Spooky42) i got butter on it too
(Funky_) ok...
(Funky_) so... WHY did you stab yourself in the face with a corncob holder thing?
(Spooky42) im not sure quite how it happened
(Funky_) wtf
(Funky_) you don't know how you stabbed yourself in the face?
(Spooky42) i was eating corn. and it slid out of the corncob and i went to slide it in real quick and it
didnt line up with the previous holes and it slid off into my cheek
(Funky_) HAHAHAHAH
(Spooky42) it hurts!
(Funky_) sorry
(Funky_) It's just too funny
(Spooky42) i dropped my corn too!
Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about
what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
This was infact a IRC quote or smthing. Here another. I laughed hard
(Spooky42) omg i just stabbed myself in the face with a corncob holder thing
(Funky_) hahahahahahah
(Funky_) is it bad?
(Spooky42) its bleeding a little..
(Funky_)
(Spooky42) i got butter on it too
(Funky_) ok...
(Funky_) so... WHY did you stab yourself in the face with a corncob holder thing?
(Spooky42) im not sure quite how it happened
(Funky_) wtf
(Funky_) you don't know how you stabbed yourself in the face?
(Spooky42) i was eating corn. and it slid out of the corncob and i went to slide it in real quick and it
didnt line up with the previous holes and it slid off into my cheek
(Funky_) HAHAHAHAH
(Spooky42) it hurts!
(Funky_) sorry
(Funky_) It's just too funny
(Spooky42) i dropped my corn too!
- ---Henry---
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- Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:00
- Location: Croatia :)
by ---Henry--- » Thu Apr 19, 2007 20:18
Szeryf hahahahaha niceeee 
Lot of laugh omg
End of movie is best
Henry
Lot of laugh omg
End of movie is best
Henry
- Invincible
-
- Posts: 80
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 0:00
by Invincible » Tue May 08, 2007 20:39
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:
"That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for you."
----------------
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not
know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one
$5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the
money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure,
the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could
look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says,
"I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you
so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests
the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our
future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
"That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for you."
----------------
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not
know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one
$5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the
money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure,
the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could
look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says,
"I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you
so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests
the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our
future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
by Repta » Tue May 08, 2007 21:52
Invincible wrote:A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:
"That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for you."
----------------
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not
know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one
$5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the
money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure,
the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could
look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says,
"I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you
so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests
the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our
future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
lol they are both great
- Invincible
-
- Posts: 80
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 0:00
by Invincible » Mon May 14, 2007 12:56
Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."
Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They
said you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "24 Hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse?
What's the very bad news?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.
In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.
Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.
"Who was that?" the husband asks.
"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.
"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a *beep* owes me 800 bucks!"
Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They
said you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "24 Hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse?
What's the very bad news?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.
In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.
Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.
"Who was that?" the husband asks.
"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.
"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a *beep* owes me 800 bucks!"
by BOWDOWN » Mon May 14, 2007 16:23
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere (you idiot).
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere (you idiot).
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"
- jarski_1516
- Posts: 198
- Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2006 0:00
by jarski_1516 » Wed Jun 13, 2007 17:59
You asked it 
1:
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."
2:
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.
You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
1:
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."
2:
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.
You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
by 3o6k0 » Fri Jun 22, 2007 17:55
-What will happen if we couple Sheep and kangaroo ?
-Jumping sweater
-What will happen if we couple snake and hedgehog
-1 meter barbed wire
-Jumping sweater
-What will happen if we couple snake and hedgehog
-1 meter barbed wire
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